Shielding Your Marriage from Divorce

Most people do not have qualms about getting an insurance to protect their assets and other valuables. When it comes to marriage, however, many couples are not as vigilant in guarding their union from things that can break it apart. Instead, divorce is sometimes considered a more convenient option than saving a marriage.

Ending a marriage through the process of divorce is a painful experience. What couple gets married and expects to divorce in the end? In fact, in the new Clark Poll of Emerging Adults, the results reveal that 86 percent of the more than 1,000 respondents aged 18 to 29 years old expect their marriages to last a lifetime.

The Ugly Truth about Divorce

Unfortunately, many marriages are eventually terminated by divorce for a wide variety of reasons. Each divorce has unique underlying causes. The deep hurts and ramifications of divorce can radiate not only into the lives of the couple but also of those involved for many years to come. The ripple effect may seem silent, but like a tsunami, it can be ravaging to so many lives. The couple’s children will be scarred for life regardless of efforts to shield and protect them. Families and friends are compelled to choose sides. Even the best divorce agreements can render both parties impoverished.

Of course, there are cases that justify a divorce. Spouses who suffer from abuse are better off to leave their marriage for their protection. While it seems divorce is a healthier option, it remains an unfortunate fact that all parties lose something after terminating their marriage in divorce. Even if divorce is warranted, often its negative consequences can reverberate for years. So what does it take to shield your marriage from divorce?

Marriage is not only about Love

Like any other commitment, marriage takes conscious effort to preserve and protect it from things that can destroy it apart. While love is an important element that can get you on the road to a healthy marriage, there is more to love than that. It takes emotional and life skills to build a strong foundation for a marriage to last. Since not all married couples have these skills, it is not surprising why many marriages, even those based on love, continue to struggle and eventually fall apart.

Many couples believe that being a couple does not have to be learned because it just comes naturally. Unfortunately, this line of thinking is the reason why average couples wait for six years of being unhappy before seeking intervention for their marital problem. It is too long a period for resentment to build up, whereas there are effective ways to resolve and fix differences. The earlier you acquire the tools vital to maintain a relationship, the better.

Before Deciding to Get a Divorce

Leaving a marriage is a very important decision that must be made carefully. It is easy to think of divorce as the only way to find happiness again. As you contemplate on getting a divorce, you picture a life free from that person who has been hanging around your neck like a millstone, holding you back from achieving a better life you longed for.

Divorce is a personal decision that should not be taken lightly. If your marriage is on the rocks, you may think that divorce is the best decision you could make at the time. When there is so much accumulated hurts, disappointments, conflicts and unresolved issues stemming from lack of forgiveness and reconciliation, divorce may seem to be the solution. It is, however, crucial to address such negative feelings early on. Developing effective ways of communicating, negotiating and compromising can help your relationship become healthy, strong, and able to withstand the inevitable stressors that may challenge your marriage.

It is reasonable and understandable if you will want to discuss your situation with people you trust, including family and good friends. When you do, it is expected they will naturally be on your side. The more you spill the beans about your allegations and complaints, they more your loved ones are inclined to become biased and the more they will object to your spouse’s presence in your life. If you must confide, it is wise to resolve issues with a third wheel who is not only judgmental, but one who can be more trustworthy to keep all your private information safe and confidential.

Seeking a Better Alternative: Marriage Counseling

If you are struggling with an unpleasant and embattled marriage, and contemplating divorce, it is important to consider the many ways this decision will affect you and many others. Divorce may seem to the simplest answer to your struggles at the moment, but the unimaginable consequences can leave you blemished for many years ahead. Marriage counseling may very well be a better alternative than divorce if you want to proactively strengthen your marriage through the years.

Seeing a marriage counselor is not an easy decision either, especially if you are on the brink of getting a divorce. For some, going to marriage counseling is almost an admission of defeat in a marriage. Of course, this is far from the truth if you are figuring out how to save your marriage. Marriage therapy is something any committed relationship can make as a regular activity because marriage issues need to be worked on consistently for the union to thrive. The hard work of repairing and restoring a troubled marriage is all worth it – against the sad cost of divorce.

One determining factor on the effectiveness of marriage counseling is the level of motivation in both partners. Some couples consider marriage counseling as divorce counseling because they have already thrown in the towel. Others simply cannot manage how to choose the right fit therapist. If your partner is reluctant to go to therapy, your relationship can still benefit even if you go alone. Being responsible for your own part in the situation and confronting the issues will definitely make you a better spouse. As a result, your effort may have a direct impact on your partner’s behavior.

Shielding Your Marriage with Counseling

If you wait too long to get help, the odds may be against you. You may feel it is already too late and counseling may not help, but getting one is the only way to know. If you are thinking about divorce, seeking marriage counseling will shield your relationship and protect you from future regrets. An experienced marriage counselor can help you come to terms with whether or not to divorce.

Before calling a divorce lawyer, spending your savings in legal fees, traumatizing your children, and leaving the family home, you may consider investing in marriage counseling. Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC offers a “neutral territory” where an independently contracted right fit counselor awaits to work with you through the tough issues plaguing your marriage. With marriage counseling, you can make a renewed commitment to rebuild your marriage and make it an enduring one. Call now to request an appointment.

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