Traversing the Track: From “Start to Finish”

Your marriage is an official announcement that you will now be “one,” facing your bliss and challenges together. The cheerful celebration is the cheerful prelude to a life together, sending you well wishes and good luck for you need lots, if not tons of good intentions, for you are now to embark on a life with so many transitions. There are happy events that you prayed or wished for – the birth of babies, a job promotion, moving into your own home, etc. Then, there are those that you didn’t plan for or you prayed won’t happen, yet they did – loss of income, a serious ailment or the passing away of a loved one, etc.

There is, sometimes, no way of knowing when the “axe will fall.” As a newlywed, you are not spared from unforeseen change. You or your spouse can be offered a promotion that will take one of you overseas. Or it can entail uprooting the other so that you can be together. No one is wrong, but there is obviously a conflict. There are other issues that may arise during this early part of your union. These can grow in magnitude, number and intensity as children are born and as they grow up. Parenting can split apart many marriages, particularly for first-time parents and when there are so many issues surrounding them as they grow up.

As the family does grow bigger, there may be more expenditures, more chores, more personalities and dynamics, and therefore, more issues and conflicts. As your children become adolescents, you may have more reasons to disagree on in order to resolve your teen’s issues. If you have a child with emotional or behavioral issues, you may find yourselves arguing more often as you run out of options and you become exhausted. Even when the children are all grown up and “fleeing the nest,” you and your spouse may continue to travel together, this time adjusting to coming home to an empty nest.

Staying Connected While Sailing Through

The transition period can be a very intense, stressful time for you and your spouse. It is this time when you will both need to feel loved, understood, accepted, and reassured that you are doing well. If one or both of you are too preoccupied transitioning, there is a grave danger that your emotional needs or your partner’s is being neglected. Forging a strong emotional bond is critical because it is among the most essential structural blocks of an enduring marriage you will ever have. This kind of foundation can be built by staying connected and not giving up on each other despite all the challenges of transitions.

When you have the emotional connection, you can more easily resolve your issues because you are talking, not only with words, but with your hearts as well. This means that you will trust, respect and support each other’s decisions, even when it is different from your personal choice.
Having an emotional connection also means feeling a sense of security, knowing that you will never be alone, regardless of what happens next. Emotional connection is important because it nurtures love, breeds trust and respect, promotes forgiveness, and boosts morale.

When you have an emotional connection, you can more easily resolve your issues because you are talking, not only with words, but with your hearts as well. This means that you will trust, respect and support each other’s decisions, even when it is different from your personal choice.
Having an emotional connection also means feeling a sense of security, knowing that you will never be alone, regardless of what happens next. Emotional connection is important because it nurtures love, breeds trust and respect, promotes forgiveness, and boosts morale.

“Circling the Wagons” Won’t Do

When you have the emotional connection, you can more easily resolve your issues because you are talking, not only with words, but with your hearts as well. This means that you will trust, respect and support each other’s decisions, even when it is different from your personal choice.
Having an emotional connection also means feeling a sense of security, knowing that you will never be alone, regardless of what happens next. Emotional connection is important during transitions because because it nurtures love, breeds trust and respect, promotes forgiveness, and boosts morale.

This is why it matters that you are prepared for the transitions you must sail through. There are transitions that are expected. These are the things that you talk about even before you are married. As soon as you do become a union, you may want to raise a family. So, you prepare by ensuring that you have a stable source of income, by learning parenting techniques, how to organize your time better, etc. You knew that aging may mean having an empty nest and health concerns, so you prepare by ensuring you have enough retirement money and support. Through all these transitions, family support, especially your spouse’s, is important. Equally important is the support and help of a counselor or therapist.

Transitions are inescapable in life, whether you are alone or married. The only way to sail through transitions is by adjusting to the changes. If the process is difficult and you wish to be proactive in the way you approach your concerns, you can seek help from counseling. There is no specific approach that can help address your issues. Experienced professionals can combine several approaches/strategies, depending on your issues, to help you adjust more easily with all the changes. When the transition has led to the deterioration of your emotional health, a counselor can also help in the diagnosis of the symptoms and the treatment of the conditions, such as depression, anxiety or poor self-esteem.

Reaping the Benefits of Transitions with Counseling

If there are not changes and transitions, imagine an endlessly plain life that has no other features and that offers no challenges. Imagine cuisine without spices. It will be a boring marriage for you and your spouse. It is true that change and transitions can be scary, as they bring about challenges and stressful situations that can have a lasting impact in your lives or relationship. They, however, can also bring about wonderful opportunities for both of you and the family. With change, you have the opportunity to improve the important things in your life.

Scared of the ensuing transition? Be proactive. Do not wait for the challenges to rain down on your marriage, weakening your defenses in the process. Do not “circle the wagons” anymore. Have an advantage. Knowing you will be going through lots of transitions in your married life, seek the guidance of a counselor early in your marriage. Talk therapy can help you in your life transitions. You may need “good luck” when embarking on your marital path, but more than luck, you can be greatly benefitted by meeting with a capable counselor/therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – West Fayetteville Office – Fayetteville, NC. Call today!