When Is the Time for Marriage Counseling Right?

When in love and looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, it’s easy to believe in ‘fairy tales,’ ‘forever,’ and ‘happily ever after.’ Realistically, though, such beliefs do not carry lessons, such as the need to work on a marriage for it to endure. They also do not come with instructions to assist the spouses to resolve their issues and to stay in love to the very end.

It takes time for many couples to realize that committing to a marriage is not a ‘walk in the park.’ In time and with so many challenges, marital relationships can become damaged, just like anything that endures, it can be scraped and worn over time with constant and prolonged use. Being proactive and genuinely interested in your union work are keys to stay involved in overcoming the challenges of time and change.

If your marriage is precious, you want to keep it resilient, like any treasured possession. This can be the motivation for you to seek out marriage counseling. The big question is: When is the time for marriage counseling right?

Telltale Signs That Your Marriage Needs Counseling

The need to be proactive in the face of a troubled marriage cannot be underrated. Yet, many couples seek out counseling only when they are already desperately enmeshed in a web of complicated issues. This can greatly increase the difficulty for you and the job of a counselor, as they are expected to either resolve the concerns or to give way to an amicable separation or divorce. What are the telltale signs that may indicate the turmoil in your marriage?

  • Breaking down of communication. Couples share most emotions, thoughts and important life events through communication. There are many ways and levels of communication but talking and intimacy are the basic language of love and the salient way to nurture a connection. When communication breaks down, the ability to connect and share are diminished, possibly giving the couple reasons to feel unwanted and unloved. It can similarly breed negative emotions – insecurity, sadness, fears, anger, etc. This is a good time to bring in professional help.
  • Absence of or excessive intimacy. Physical affection sets a marriage apart from other relationships. It is a vital component of a strong marriage. There are many causes why couples lose interest to be with their wives or husbands. Some of these include money concerns, health issues, work or business troubles, domestic issues, etc. Regardless of what causes this turn of event, know that it is a strong indicator of a failing marriage and the need for professional intervention.
  • Unfaithfulness. Committing infidelity is a form of betrayal in the union. Healing your relationship after a betrayal and restoring trust, respect, even love, can be a tall order. Unfaithfulness is considered a major reason why many husbands and wives are compelled to part ways. This is also often the reason why the help of a marriage counselor is sought. Professional intervention works as counseling can help heal a troubled marriage. It does not only resolve the trust and respect issue; it can also help improve the resiliency of the love that binds couples.
  • Unsettled conflicts and issues. It is natural for a marriage to experience conflict. Try as they might, not all these issues can be addressed by couples as soon as they arise. Some issues are forgiven, forgotten, or simply ‘swept under the rug.’ If unsettling issues are left far too long, there is danger that they will later resurface, haunting the relationship at a time when the marriage is most vulnerable. Lacking the skill or stance to resolve conflicts, it is best to trust an independent, unbiased and competent marriage counselor to help resolve those recurring issues.
  • Lack of concern and care. It is true that arguments and disputes can be bad for marriage, but it can be worse when there is silence because of indifference. Arguments and conflicts are signs that you still care about each other, the marriage and the family. While an excess of these or having unresolved, recurring issues can be troubling, lack of concern and care are worse. For the marriage to thrive, professional intervention can help.
  • Different parenting styles. Children are precious, but they are a huge responsibility. Concerned, both parents have the children’s interest close to their hearts. Unfortunately, raising them requires a lot of decision-making. These can challenge a marriage, especially when couples have clashing opinions. Imposing opinions or decisions can damage a relationship, breeding disputes and ugly emotions, such as anger, bitterness and frustration. Unresolved, the issues may just linger and cause spouses to stop talking or neglect each other. If the children are the only reasons that bind a couple, seeking help is important.
  • Keeping secrets or withholding information from one another. Trust is a critical factor in any intimate relationship. While couples can keep their individuality intact and they deserve a certain degree of privacy, there are important information that must be shared with the other party. Keeping secrets or withholding critical information can be perceived as a betrayal or deceit. These can also put trust in jeopardy. Restoring trust may not be that easy, especially when this isn’t the first. This is one time when bringing in a counselor can be productive in saving a marriage.
  • Wanting a change in marriage. Change is natural, whether it is in the individual lives of a couple, in the marital relationship or in the family. When one is against a certain change that the other believes is crucial in their evolving relationship, it can start or fire up an existing misunderstanding. If a change is desired, preparing the couple is important. Being proactive is equally essential, particularly when only one is interested in the change. A proficient marriage counselor can help you gain fresh insights and acquire techniques and skills necessary to put in place the change you desire.

The Gains

Many couples reject the idea of marriage counseling for varied reasons. Some do not want to ‘launder their dirty linens’ in public. Some believe that there are no issues they could not resolve on their own. There are spouses who prefer to put their money into something else, not seeing the value of a satisfying union. As a result, many embrace the simplest of ways to face an issue – ‘sweeping them under the rug.’ Such approach, however, can be unproductive with the issues coming back like ‘ghosts,’ haunting and breeding negative emotions – hatred, distrust, animosity, etc.

There is another way to approach the issues. Instead of ignoring them, couples can tackle their concerns with a trustworthy and experienced marriage counselor. Marriage counseling works, says the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Their studies reveal that: a) 80 percent of the couples are satisfied with the impact of couples counseling; b) 97 percent of their respondents found marriage counseling helpful; and c) 98 percent reported it to be either good or excellent.

Realistically, though, there will be marriages that cannot be saved by counseling. The success rate can be diminished when counseling is tried late in marriage or as a last resort when the union is already deeply damaged by marital issues. Marriage counselors may also have difficulty when couples are uncooperative, resisting the changes that it may bring in their union. Despite some differing views, a significant number of couples still believe that professional help is beneficial to a union that has ‘gone sour.’

Counseling Against Time

Arguing and disagreeing do not mean that your marriage is already in trouble. These are merely weaknesses of your marriage. These also indicate your need to seek help from a counselor before it’s too late. Counseling can be helpful in saving a marriage, but it works best when pursued earlier. A marriage counselor can help, but they are not miracle workers that can magically cause your troubles to go away with a wave of their wands. Rather, counseling can set the stage to restore your communication.

Looking at counseling in a positive way is important. It is a proactive measure that can help you resolve your marital issues before they escalate, wearing out each other’s patience and tearing the very fabric of your union. Seeking help from a licensed, competent professional independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC, does not mean that your marriage is ruined. Instead, working with an experienced and trained specialist reflects your genuine desire to keep the union strong against the challenges that may come your way.

Your marriage can benefit from change, even when only one of you is active in counseling. This is because a change in you can inevitably trigger a change in your spouse. Though this isn’t an ideal set up, it can work until the change has produced a positive response from the other half. The road can be long and tiring, but you can work against time. Finding and choosing a good counselor contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC can help you start with positivity. Call us today!

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