While the fairy tales we were told as children may lead us to believe marriage consists of “happily ever after,” it is actually not always easy. There are a lot of struggles that married couples go through once the honeymoon stage is over. Couples are different individuals with varying personalities. They sometimes don’t see eye to eye on things. This can cause conflict between them, which can take a toll on their marriage.

During the early stages of married life, couples often feel excited and thrilled to get to know their partner. They are figuring out their partner’s personality, as well as their likes and dislikes. For many couples, keeping the spark going past the honeymoon phase can be a tall order. Sooner or later, they may experience boredom in their marriage.

This is a state of mind when couples lose interest in each other. Communicating with each other and being in each other’s presence may no longer excite them. They might feel that something must be wrong with their partner, or with themselves, or that they might have fallen out of love with each other.

When you feel bored and unhappy in your marriage and you may feel as if you have reached a dead end, it may be time to do something to reignite the spark between you and your spouse.

Predictability Leading to Boredom

Marriage can become repetitive and boring. You see the same person day in and day out, and you may feel that you no longer have anything new to talk about. You and your partner may begin to feel complacent with each other and no longer feel motivated to put forth the effort needed to sustain a healthy relationship. You may no longer prioritize your relationship as you are overwhelmed by the challenges of daily life. This can leave your marriage feeling a bit stale. 

Married people sometimes argue and clash. This can momentarily revive the flare of a seemingly dying passion between couples. A healthy exchange of ideas and beliefs can do some good in your married life. This is, however, not enough to escape that overall boredom in the relationship. Couples need to find a healthier and more productive way to become excited about their relationship.

The predictability of married everyday life can leave you feeling too comfortable. Some may no longer think of their spouse as a passionate individual. They are sometimes reduced to being just a roommate or companion. You may have never imagined that you would lose interest in the person who excited you in the past. You likely never envisioned yourself feeling bored with the person who used to sweep you off your feet.

Common Reasons why Boredom Can Creep in

• Being too busy – At the start of your marriage, it may have just been you and your spouse. It may have felt like nothing was more important than being with the one you love. As time passes by, though, other things take the spotlight – careers, children, and other obligations. It would seem like life just got in the way of your relationship.
• Familiarity – When you reach that stage in your marriage when you already know everything about your spouse, you can stop trying to get to know them. You stop asking how their day went or how they are feeling. It can be easy to forget that every day is a new beginning where new things can be experienced, and new feelings can be felt. It isn’t safe to assume that everything stays the same. People change.
• Personality differences – A lot of couples don’t share the same interests. This can lead to them complaining about not having intellectually stimulating conversations with their spouses. Not being able to talk about your interests with your spouse can cause you to grow apart.
• Unreasonable expectations – Couples tend to expect their spouse to know them like the back of their hands. They expect their partners to know what they want and need without needing it to be verbalized. They forget that their spouses are not mind readers and this can lead to resentment.

Working Through Challenges Together

Being bored in your marriage does not mean it is time to consider separation or divorce, however, things can escalate. It can be difficult to sustain a healthy relationship if there isn’t an effort being put forth. 

Boredom in marriage is not something to be ignored. When addressing boredom in your relationship it can be important to acknowledge that it exists and that you need to do something about it. Ignoring it and hoping it will get better will likely not help your relationship. You and your spouse can do something about it, marriage counseling can help. 

How Can You Rekindle the Flame of Your Marriage?

No marriage is perfect. Most couples, no matter how long they have been together, are bound to experience ups and downs at one time or another. This is why marriage vows often include the “for better or for worse” part. Norms and cultures acknowledge that no marriage is “perfect”. What is important is that couples work together to surpass obstacles that come their way and enjoy each other.

Being bored in a marriage does not mean that you have failed. It also does not mean that your spouse is not the person for you. It is a common thing which many couples experience after being married for some time. This simply means that you may need to put forth the effort to reconnect with your partner. This can help you remember why you wanted to be together in the first place.

This may be difficult at first, but asking for help from an unbiased professional could help. A licensed therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC West can help you discover a new perspective and help you to rekindle your relationship.

Marriage therapy can work, even when many pursue it as a last resort to save what appears to be a failing marriage. Couples don’t need to wait until things are dire to go to therapy. If you are feeling bored or stuck in your marriage, let a marriage counselor help you resolve the boredom in your marriage. Call CCS today and schedule your first appointment!