Staying Happily Married during Deployment

Media often portrays military couples as two weeping images embracing each other as the spouse heads out to some conflict zone, and ecstatically being reunited upon the partner’s return. In reality, it is a lot more complicated for military couples and their families. Emotions about deployment can be a roller coaster ride of anger, joy, pride and frustration.

Military deployments are tough on any committed relationship. It is no secret they can put a real strain between people. While living under the same roof can test how strong a relationship is, it can be a lot tougher when a spouse is deployed. It can feel like the distance between the two of you is farther than it actually is. In fact, distance may not always make the heart grow fonder. It does not mean, however, that because your spouse is away on deployment your relationship can be put on hold. It does not mean you cannot be happily married despite being apart.

The Unique Challenges Faced by Military Marriages

It is no secret that higher rates of divorce are rampant in military marriages than their civilian counterparts. A study published in the Journal of Population Economics concludes that long, frequent deployments hurt military marriages. Being married to the military can be more difficult than what couples expect. From leaving the support system due to frequent moves to feelings of isolation during deployments and suspected or ongoing infidelity, one thing is definite: military marriage can be a lonely and sometimes cruel journey.

Many military marriages experience rough spots from time to time. Although they are often temporary, the challenges are not easy for civilians to understand. The demands of military life force military families to adjust to the pertinent changes. For example, servicemen are deprived of the opportunity to attend to their family relationships and responsibilities. Deployment requires the soldiers to be separated from their families. Being away is one of the major factors that bring significant changes in the family functioning.

Deployment brings about changes that may cause stress not only to the spouse, but to the entire family. Frequent and prolonged deployment has a profound effect and aftereffect on each family member. The loved ones left at home often spend their waking hours worrying about the safety of their deployed member. Even after they are reunited, the whole unit struggles to readapt to living together. This includes the possibility of a difficult home life with a loved one coming to terms with any trauma or other emotional and behavioral health issues as an aftermath of deployment.

Military life can test even the best of marriages to their limits. The frequent and lengthy separations with irregular communication can be the greatest source of stress in military families. Compared to many other families, spouses and children of military men can sometimes find it difficult to maintain close bonds with their relatives and friends, miss family celebrations on holidays, and need to change and adapt to new jobs, schools and their community.

Signs that a Military Marriage is in Trouble

With all the challenges that deployment brings to the marital union, how can military couples maintain a healthy emotional and behavioral outlook and stay happily married? In many cases, counseling has been proven beneficial in resolving the issues involved. The following are a few of the signs that tell if professional help may be warranted:

  • Frequent Marital Conflict – It is often a struggle for military families to readapt living with the service member after returning from deployment. Although a joyful and an emotional event, reintegration requires significant adjustments in the family. It may be difficult for a spouse to understand the personal transformation of the military partner who may be undergoing emotional and behavioral effects of a variety of trauma. Seeking therapy to overcome the challenges of reintegration may be a good option for your marriage or relationship.
  • Intrusive Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – Trauma can happen to anyone, but battle-scarred soldiers are at higher risk given their extended exposure to armed conflict. The symptoms can be so distressing that obtaining professional help is critical to bounce back from trauma and PTSD.
  • Difficulties in the Performance of Job Duties – When you or your spouse is finding it difficult to live your life as you usually do or are experiencing problems with daily functioning, you are showing signs of depression. Believing that you are a burden to each other or to the family is another warning sign that should not be taken lightly.
  • Alcohol or Substance Abuse – Service members who returned after deployment may, at times, resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms as an effort to numb out uncomfortable feelings and feel temporary relief. Instead of turning to alcohol or substances, it may be helpful to talk it out with a nonjudgmental professional to uncover the underlying problems and obtain long-term relief.
  • Behavioral Health Issues in Children – A lot of marital conflict related to reintegration can cause children to start misbehaving. The various issues each family member may be experiencing can be worked through with counseling. Resolving difficult behavior in healthy ways is one of the 10 best things family counseling provides to help.

Serving in the military is a noble, challenging and rewarding profession. Being in service requires these brave men and women to be physically, emotionally and behaviorally fit. The same can be said about the spouse of a military member because military marriages are not always easy. Deployment can strain even the strongest of marriages. Having the right quality of support may be needed for military marriages to survive the challenges of deployment.

Seeking Support to Defy Time and Distance

Marriage is tough enough, but it can be tougher when the stressors of military life are added – frequent deployment, separations, reintegration, relocations, high levels of stress, to name a few. They form part of the military lifestyle, resulting in military marriages being more difficult than civilian ones. All these can put soldiers and families at risk for a range of emotional or behavioral health conditions.

Unfortunately, the stigma surrounding emotional and behavioral health issues in the military may hinder couples and their family from seeking out the help they need. Receiving help early is crucial for the well-being of those involved. Untreated conditions or a delay in treatment can be more complicated. It may also spell the difference between staying married, or transforming your marriage into another casualty that ends in divorce.

Military marriage is hard work. It takes extra effort on both partners to grow and survive, and to create a happy, successful marriage that defies time and distance. Fortunately, the strain put on the relationship can be alleviated by reaching out for help. There are tools available along the way! Even the toughest military challenges can be weathered if you draw on the many resources available to you from the military and in the community.

If you are in Fayetteville, NC, you may want or need assistance from the right fit professional independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years, you can start counseling with a legitimate provider that strictly follows military policy about confidentiality.

The military lifestyle throws a lot of curveballs, so it makes sense to look for some guidance. Call in the troops now! Contact CCS – Fayetteville, NC to request an appointment.

Related Articles: