How many times have you said, “I can’t wait until the last child is all grown up and ready to leave home”? It isn’t just you—many parents have said the same thing when overwhelmed. The truth is, when the day comes for your children to leave, you may be crying your heart out and wishing they were small and clinging to you like they used to.

You may be filled with dread, fear, sadness, or guilt. You may feel lost and not know how to be alone, especially if you’re a single parent. If these feelings are preventing you from enjoying this next phase of your life, therapy could help. A counselor can help you see the transition and the empty nest in a new light and reconnect with life and other people.

Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome

According to Psychology Today, “Empty nest syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness, and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes.” It isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but it is a stage when a parent can be overwhelmed by feelings of loss and extreme sadness. In a Net Doctor post by Dr. David Delvin, he says it is “a useful ‘label’ for the feelings of sadness and loss which many individuals experience when their children fly the nest.”

Professionals may consider it an emotional condition with symptoms of depression and anxiety. While not every parent may go through empty nest syndrome intensely, you may be more likely to experience this if you have other things going on as well. Some of these complications could be marital conflict, a chronic medical or emotional condition, or other losses, job stressors etc.

While empty nest syndrome can increase your risk of depression, identity crisis, substance abuse, and conflicts in your marriage, this can also be a positive stage in your life. Many recent studies show that it can be a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with loved ones, improve the quality of your relationships, and renew old passions and interests that were forgotten or shelved when your children were growing up.

Re-Learning to Fly on Your Own

As a parent, you have taken it upon yourself to be strong for your children and encourage them to grow into independent adults, so they can fly on their own. Seeing them leave the nest should be a momentous achievement. So, why is sending them off into the world bringing you sadness and grief?

Part of it has to do with apprehension, worrying how they will manage without you. Part of it is about you forgetting how to fly on your own while busily preparing your children for independence and self-reliance. So, the question isn’t just how they will manage on their own or without you. It is also “How will you manage without them?”

Interdependence is built through the years between parents and their children. It isn’t uncommon for parents to put their own happiness aside as the family becomes the center of their universe. That secure world can be shattered when the children leave, one by one. If you haven’t prepared for the moment, you may not be ready for the feelings that come along with this.

Empty Nest and Marriage

Many think that empty nest syndrome is more painful for a single parent. The truth is it can impact married people just as much. Though moms are more at risk for empty nest syndrome, dads aren’t made of stone. They may experience the same feelings of sadness and grief but show them less.

Other life events, such as menopause, midlife crisis, or the passing of or caring for an elderly parent, can make the feelings more difficult to manage. Your children’s absence can make you feel helpless and lose sight of your other goals.

When children leave many couples will report that they are more critical of each other. Focusing on each other’s shortcomings can be a distraction from the pain of missing your children and/or these behaviors become more apparent with less distraction. 

Some couples will turn away from each other, choosing to process their feelings on their own. This can leave some feeling as if they have had an “emotional divorce”. Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to infidelity, even if it’s “an emotional affair” where one or both of you seek understanding from someone outside your relationship. 

The thought of any of this happening can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to happen. You can take charge of this next phase of your life and begin thriving once more. 

Recapturing Purpose

Nothing can prepare you for the moment when your child leaves home, but it is something that you must brace for, because it is going to happen. As the day draws near, you will realize that time flies so fast. Whether you are a single parent or you have a partner to share your empty nest, the prospect can be heartbreaking, unless you can see it in a new light, as a source of many wonderful opportunities.

Seeing the empty nest in that way can be easier said than done, but it isn’t impossible. Finding a skilled therapist contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC can help you get there. Call CCS today to get started. Online counseling and in person sessions are available!

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