Why the Mental Load is a Big Deal During the Holidays

The term “mental load” is all over these days. You may hear it and wonder what it even means. UCL Health defines mental load as “the behind-the-scenes, cognitive and emotional work needed to manage a household.” This may sound like it applies to a lot of things and that’s for good reason, it does!

Mental load can apply to; 

  • Meal planning
  • Routine house repairs and maintenance
  • Remembering birthdays
  • Purchasing presents
  • Scheduling doctors appointments
  • Remembering to go to doctors appointments
  • Planning how everyone in the household will get where they need to be
  • Paying bills

The list can literally go on and on and that is often how mental load eventually leads to burnout. There are no inherent limits or boundaries to mental load, it applies to your personal, professional, family and social life. It is hard to get away from mental load on a good day, the holiday season can add an additional layer of complication. 

What Makes The Mental Load Heavier During the Holiday Season? 

75% of the population reports an increase in mental load during the holidays. It can be important to get to the bottom of why that is. The following factors can play a large role. 

  1. Chronic Stress and Burnout
    The holidays are already a stressful time for many people, and when combined with your existing mental load, it can lead to burnout. The constant need to plan, organize, and remember details can leave you feeling drained both physically and emotionally. When this happens we experience fatigue and irritability making it really hard to enjoy the season.
  2. Mental Load is Often Unseen and Unacknowledged
    One of the most challenging aspects of mental load is that it often goes unnoticed. The person carrying the mental load may not receive support or recognition for all the emotional and cognitive labor they’re doing. It’s only natural that this can lead to resentment and feeling isolated. During the holidays, when everyone is busy with their own tasks, it’s easy for the burden of mental load to go unrecognized.
  3. Strained Relationships
    The pressure of holiday responsibilities can strain your relationships. When one person is carrying the majority of the mental load, it can create tension. Misunderstandings can arise, especially if the person doing the mental work feels unsupported or unappreciated. Tensions can also increase when expectations around the holidays don’t line up. This can be a recipe for overwhelm and frustration.
  4. Difficulty Enjoying the Holiday Season
    Ironically, the very activities that are meant to bring joy—like gift-giving, hosting gatherings, or cooking special meals—can become a burden. They add so much more to an already overflowing mental load. What should be a time of excitement and celebration can quickly feel like another obligation. It’s only natural that when this happens you find yourself enjoying the holidays less and less. 

So What Can You Do?

The reality is, mental load isn’t going to go away. We all have responsibilities and that will  not change. While this won’t change, it doesn’t mean you have to bear the burden all on your own. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed by mental load you have options. To decrease the weight you can:

  1. Delegate tasks
  2. Start saying no
  3. Re-evaluate expectations
  4. Challenge negative self-talk
  5. Take things off your plate

While you have options, these things can be really difficult to do on your own. Therapy can help. 

Getting the Help You Deserve

All of the options listed above probably sound pretty great, though easier said than done. Learning to say no and be more realistic with your expectations can be amazing but it’s also hard to do. When you find a therapist that is right for you all of this can begin to feel possible. 

Counseling can be a remarkable place to unpack mental load, any time or season. You can evaluate whether your expectations are reasonable and whether you really need to be doing it all on your own. Couples Counseling can also be helpful with this. 

Carolina Counseling Services contracts with remarkably skilled licensed therapists who can help you to decrease your mental load, this holiday season and all the seasons to come. 

If you are in Fayetteville, North Carolina and wanting to decrease your mental load, give CCS a call today! Treatment isn’t limited to Fayetteville either, online sessions are available making getting the care you need anywhere in North Carolina easier than ever before!

Providers are in network with most major insurances including Aetna, Aetna State Health Plan, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina (Blue Cross NC), Tricare, Medicaid and more. Don’t wait, call now to get started!

Jaime Johnson Fitzpatrick LCMHCS, LCAS is one of the Owners and Vice Presidents of Carolina Counseling Services. She is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist in the State of North Carolina as well as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in State of New York. Jaime is also certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and utilizes various other approaches in her practice.