Most couples don’t think about healthy conflict resolution skills until they need them. When most relationships begin they are in the “honeymoon phase”, causing conflict to be nowhere on the radar. In reality, every relationship faces conflict. Having conflict in your relationship does NOT mean it is unhealthy, however, how conflict is addressed (or not addressed) can become unhealthy.  

Conflicts are unavoidable, even in the most loving relationships. However, the inherent differences between you and your partner can create strain just as they can make your relationship more exciting. 

There are signs that conflict has become unhealthy and that your relationship could benefit from marriage counseling or couples counseling. 

Sign 1: Your communication has deteriorated.

Talking can nurture your relationship when you settle differences and help to resolve conflicts. Failure to communicate in a meaningful manner can erode respect, love and understanding. When communication breaks down it can damage your relationship.

It is natural to avoid conflict from time to time which can lead to a breakdown in communication, or even the dreaded “silent treatment”. If your efforts to talk are only bringing up more problems and conflicts, it may be time to see a counselor. Marriage counseling can provide a neutral space for you and your partner to process your concerns and look at them in a more objective manner.

Sign 2: Arguing has become frequent and more intense.

If you are arguing more frequently, it may be a sign of unresolved conflicts. Even if they seem small, they can tire you out in the long run. Whether the problem is old or new, if you are constantly at each other’s throats, it is a major concern. The problem needs to be resolved as soon as possible before it can pull you apart and create further damage.

It can be hard to truly listen and see where your partner is coming from. You have your own feelings and perspectives. When working with a therapist it can allow you to see another perspective and work toward understanding and resolution. 

Sign 3: Mentioning or thinking of divorce.

If either or both of you have brought up divorce as a solution, during arguments or when you are calm, you may wish to meet with a counselor. When divorce has been discussed, but is not an avenue you want to pursue it may be worth engaging in marriage counseling to see if you can work through your concerns.

It may seem that all is lost or that your relationship is beyond repair, but this doesn’t have to be the case. If you are wanting to still work on your marriage, counseling can make a world of difference. 

Sign 4: Your conflicts are distressing.

Your marriage is supposed to be your haven. When it becomes a source of stress rather than the sanctuary that it once was, it can be very distressing for both you and your spouse. Stressful relationships can be bad for your physical and mental health, not to mention that it can also affect your entire family. This is why it is healthy to resolve conflict and improve communication.

When your relationship problems are affecting your emotional health, they can be difficult to resolve without the professional help of a therapist. It is natural to be upset by conflict in your marriage, learning healthier ways to respond and resolve problems can help to improve things in a variety of ways. 

Sign 5: Your love for your partner is waning with each conflict.

Passion may become less intense over time for some couples, but not love. In a healthy marriage, it tends to grow through the years. If you feel that your constant conflicts are contributing to a growing indifference, or if the love that used to bind you is getting weaker, seek out a skilled couples counselor.

A good marriage counselor can help you get to the bottom of your concerns and resolve them. It can be difficult to bring back the romance without resolving conflict.

Sign 6: Keeping secrets or not sharing important matters.

You don’t have to share every tiny detail about everything with your spouse. When you hold back information deliberately, however, it can be a sign of deteriorating communication or a growing feeling of indifference.

A marriage counselor can help you understand your internal motivations and reasons for withholding information. It is essential that you understand what is making you hide information or guard secrets from the person whom you’re supposed to trust.

Sign 7: You love each other but the conflict is overwhelming.

Love is important; it makes you want to stay together and find ways to resolve the conflicts that threaten it. While it is normal for relationships or marriages to experience problems from time to time, they should not shake your love or commitment. If you fear that your problems are weakening your affection for each other, be proactive—seek the help of a counselor.

Apart from love, it also takes resilience to have an enduring and blissful marriage. Resilience is something that you can build with the help of a non-judgmental marriage counselor.

If you see any of these signs in your relationship, be proactive and call Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville, NC. CCS contracts with independent counselors; one of them may be the right one to help you make your marriage work. Call today to get started. Online counseling and in person sessions are available.

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