How can you heal when your small differences have piled up to become a monster that’s engulfing everything good in your union? How can you forgive when the foundation of your marriage—trust and respect—has been marred by the actions of your spouse? How can you repair the damage and rebuild the marriage if you can’t forget the pain, anger, and frustration?

Constant bickering following a big storm in a marriage can drain your energy and enthusiasm. The tension can’t be eased by silence and cold indifference either. To find peace and harmony in your relationship, it takes recognition and acceptance of the real causes, and their resolution, no matter how difficult and painful that can be.

You may think that restoring your marriage after a big blow is impossible, but it isn’t. For healing to happen, you must be ready to take the steps necessary to resolve your issues, to forgive and to forget. That’s tough, but you can do it if you seek help and do the difficult, painful work with a marriage counselor.

Overcoming the Barriers

Peacefully resolving major conflicts in your marriage is not too different from the dispute resolution process used in mediation between opposing groups or interests. According to Joey and Susan Epstein of Mediate.com, there are ten barriers that can make conflict resolution unattainable:

1. Inadequate Planning and Preparation;
2. False First Impressions and Perceptions;
3. Grief;
4. Systemic Distrust;
5. Failure to Communicate and Listen;
6. Insufficient Focus on Underlying Interests;
7. Partisan Perception, Judgmental Overconfidence, and Wrong Baselines;
8. Reactive Devaluation;
9. Misunderstanding the Loss/Risk Analysis;
10. Failure to Give Opponents Face, Respect, and Dignity.

While a motivated couple can work on their marriage on their own, it will not be without pain and struggle, considering the grief, distrust, failed communication, etc. These feelings can make you unable to respect your spouse, recognize the real primary interests, or understand what is at risk. A therapist trained in marriage counseling and conflict resolution can help you address these barriers and work on your issues with a higher chance of success.

If your marital relationship is slowly deteriorating, there are signs that you must not ignore. If a major source of discord has cropped up without you noticing the signs, it is not too late. The most important thing is to seek help before the conflict consumes you and your children and eventually leads to divorce.

The Path to Healing

Deciding to live with a wife or husband who has hurt or betrayed you takes more than love: it also takes commitment and courage. Love can give you the motivation to start over again, but it can’t present solutions to resolve your issues or keep you strong as challenges rock your marriage. Counseling can!

Desperate efforts to correct mistakes or absorb whatever you can to find peace may eventually take their toll. All the negative emotions can leave you distressed and burned out, making your path to healing a shaky one. When your mind is reeling, you are vulnerable to stress and emotional conditions. You will be tempted to get even and make hasty decisions in anger.

To prepare for what’s to come, you both need to be emotionally “in shape” and resilient. Counseling can do that for you and your spouse. It can also make you listen to a wise voice other than your angry “inner voice.” You will feel more optimistic when you realize there is hope. The key is to find the courage to make the first step: talking to an unbiased and experienced counselor.

Finding the Right Counselor

The path to healing will not be a rosy one, but there is hope. If you both agree that you will stay together, a nonjudgmental counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville (West), NC Office, can help you not only resolve your issues, but also emerge stronger and more committed.

Making the necessary adjustments and changes, rebuilding your damaged communication, taking responsibility, and most of all, actually forgetting and forgiving, can be difficult, especially when there are other challenges, such as family members who are hurt, angry, and frustrated.

The experienced counselors contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville (West), NC Office can help you. They can assist you in recognizing the major obstacles along the way and provide you with tools or strategies to clear them. While it may take time to heal your wounds, you will feel better when you find a healthy venue to talk about your hurt and to release your anger. So, don’t waste time—call us today.