Eight Signs that Couples
must not Ignore

Relationship crises don’t usually happen after a few conflicts: they develop gradually. According to Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, “couples report that their relationship problems didn’t surface suddenly but are the result of buried resentment that can fester for years.” So, when you start to prefer spending your free time with friends over your partner or spouse, or you start to dread coming home, pay attention—it may be a red flag indicating that your relationship is in trouble.

Staying happily married may have been uppermost in your mind since the day you tied the knot with your spouse, but many things can test the resilience of your marriage. Statistics show that many unions do not survive marital challenges. In the United States, this is expressed in the provisional divorce and annulment rate, which is 3.2 per 1,000 total population (CDC).

Resolving issues with your spouse or partner is important for many reasons. For one, it is necessary for a peaceful home and family life. It is also vital for your personal happiness and emotional well-being. If you are aware of the signs of a troubled marriage, you have a fighting chance to save your relationship when they appear.

Here are eight red flags to watch out for in your relationship:

1. Constant arguments and power struggles: A troubled marriage is persistently disturbed by misunderstandings and clashes over trivial and major concerns. If you argue often and the conflicts go unresolved at the end of the day, be warned: they can pile up and replace your passion and love for each other with intense negative emotions.

2. Use of offensive words and criticism: With the swelling of negative emotions, you are bound to lose respect for each other. At the height of your anger, you may strike back and cause each other pain in a desperate attempt to assuage your own hurt. The loss of respect is a tangible proof that the love that used to bind you has faded.

3. A quiet home: Indifference and silence may be a sign that you have given up. All the verbal tussles and shouting matches can drain you, make you edgy, and distract you from your focus and goals. So, you aim for peace and quiet. You then start avoiding each other’s company—less talk, less arguments.

4. Fewer happy moments: Silence is also an indication of deteriorating communication and dying interactions. You may do overtime work or accept out-of-town assignments to avoid being cooped up for long hours or weekends under one roof. You stop doing fun things together—eating or cooking, watching movies or doing domestic projects. While talking less may stop the arguments, it also stops the wonderful, fun moments.

5. Discovering and pursuing other interests: As you both seek other ways to release your tension and to find fulfillment, you may discover other interests—hobbies, diversions, and relationships. These can be distractions from the gnawing feelings inside and the real issues. They may also mean that you are growing apart from each other, causing the rift to become wider and making the differences more irreconcilable without an effort to resolve them.

6. Neglecting your looks: Love can inspire you to look physically attractive, but intense anger and frustration can dull your feelings/passion. Stress and sadness over your failing relationship can take away your motivation to stay well-groomed, fit, and attractive. You may also lose other drives and aspirations, which may be reflected in neglect of your appearance.

7. Hearing your partner’s stories from other people: As a loving couple, you could hardly wait to get home to share stories of your days with each other, from mundane matters to memorable and fun moments. As you drift away from each other, you share less. You may tell your stories to relatives, friends, or co-workers instead of each other. Learning about your partner’s achievements or personal concerns from other people is a sign that you are not each other’s first allies anymore.

8. Physical intimacy has waned and turned compulsory. This is a strong indication of dying passion in a loving relationship. Endearments and physical intimacies are natural expressions of love and passion, but these can be dulled as anger, misunderstanding, and frustration take over. If you move to another bed or bedroom to avoid intimacy, that too is a red flag of a troubled union.

Drifting apart can happen without you noticing it. As these eight signs become the natural pattern in your relationship, you may not notice the changes in your day-to-day interactions. Busy wallowing in your own hurts and emotional devastation, and thinking you have lost your pillar of strength, you may let opportunities to save your relationship slip through your hands.

Recognizing the signs that your marriage is in trouble can force you into action to regain what you may be losing—love and passion, respect, and trust for each other. If strengthening the foundation of your relationship is important for you, call Carolina Counseling Services – Fayetteville (West), NC Office. Similarly, if keeping your marriage happy and its foundation strong is a goal, be proactive. Do not wait for your marriage to show these signs—call now.

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