Breakups can feel like an unraveling, especially during the holiday season—a time traditionally centered on togetherness and joy. Mid-December often marks a peak in breakups, earning December 11th the nickname “International Breakup Day.” Whether the stress of the season or unresolved issues play a role, the end of a relationship can leave you questioning your identity and self-worth. However, this period also holds the promise of renewal—a chance to rebuild confidence, rediscover yourself, and embrace personal growth.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Healing starts by acknowledging your emotions. Grief isn’t linear, and you may find yourself cycling through the stages in no particular order—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Journaling, talking to loved ones, or seeking therapeutic support can help you process these emotions. If you’re unsure where to start, consider finding a therapist who specializes in breakup recovery or joining a support group where others share similar experiences. Giving yourself permission to grieve is the first step toward moving forward.

Create a Space for Healing

A breakup isn’t just about emotional healing; it’s also about reclaiming and rediscovering your identity. In a relationship, your style—whether it’s your fashion choices, how you decorate your space, or how you spend your time—often becomes intertwined with your partner’s preferences. As you heal, take the opportunity to reconnect with what you enjoy, separate from your ex’s influence.

Consider refreshing your living space to reflect positivity and calm. Rearrange, declutter, or create a space for mindfulness. This transformation can help anchor you emotionally and symbolically, supporting the rebuilding of your confidence. Reflect on your aesthetic—what colors, textures, or patterns make you feel at home? Redesigning your environment to express who you are can be a powerful tool for healing.

Consider a Dating Sabbatical

While jumping into a new relationship (getting back on the horse) may seem like a quick way to heal, it’s important to give yourself time to rediscover who you are without the influence of a partner. A rebound relationship may distract you from healing and self-growth. You might find yourself using the new person to fill a void left by your previous relationship or feeling an impulse to move on due to loneliness or fear of being alone. However, rushing into a new connection before healing can carry unaddressed emotional baggage into your next relationship.

Focusing on your emotional recovery—grieving, reflecting, and rediscovering your personal growth—ensures that you’ll enter future relationships as your most authentic self. By setting this foundation, you’ll approach new connections with clarity and strength, not as a way to replace what you’ve lost.

Don’t Seek Them Out

Seeking closure from your ex can feel tempting, but it’s often not something you can find externally. Closure is an internal process, where you accept that you may never get all the answers you seek. Reaching out for validation or closure can keep you emotionally tethered to the past and delay your healing.

Allowing space between you and your ex is essential to regain emotional independence. By focusing on your healing, you take back control over your peace of mind and self-worth. It’s only when you let go of the need for answers that you’ll fully embrace the next chapter of your life.

Reestablish Your Values and Boundaries

A breakup may prompt you to reevaluate your identity and values. This moment of self-reflection is an opportunity to reconnect with what truly matters to you—whether it’s honesty, kindness, independence, or creativity. Reaffirming these values brings clarity and helps regain a sense of direction.

Now is also a great time to reassess your boundaries. Reflect on whether your previous relationship respected your emotional limits, and consider what boundaries you need moving forward—whether in romantic relationships or friendships. Establishing clear boundaries teaches others how to treat you and ensures you honor your emotional well-being.

Rebuild from Within

Confidence is rebuilt through intentional actions, no matter how small. Journaling your progress, engaging in creative hobbies, or working on personal projects can reignite your sense of purpose. For instance, you might start by setting small, manageable goals, like completing a book you’ve been meaning to read or organizing a space in your home. Recognize your strength and resilience during this time.

Rely on Yourself First

While leaning on friends and family is valuable, rediscovering your ability to depend on yourself is essential to confidence-building. Celebrate small victories and embrace moments of solitude. Maybe you accomplish something as simple as making your bed every day or having a quiet evening alone, reflecting on how far you’ve come. By becoming more self-reliant, you reclaim control over your emotional recovery and well-being.

Lean on Your Inner Circle

Breakups can leave you feeling isolated, but your friends and family are your safe space for support. These relationships, rooted in unconditional love, provide a grounding force during your healing. Reaching out to those who care about you, without romantic intentions, reminds you of your worth and helps process your emotions in a non-judgmental way.

Dress the Way You Want to Feel

What you wear can serve as a powerful tool for rediscovery and confidence-building. After a breakup, it’s easy to feel a loss of self, especially if your identity was closely tied to your partner. Dress in a way that makes you feel empowered, joyful, or comfortable. Experiment with your style or return to pieces that represent your true self.

Get Active, Your Way

Physical activity is essential for healing, but the focus should be on what makes you feel good—whether it’s yoga, hiking, or dancing in your living room. It’s easy to fall into the trap of the “revenge body” or “dating shape” after a breakup, but these thoughts often stem from external pressures and can lead to unhealthy self-objectification. Instead of exercising to punish yourself or try to fit into a certain mold for others, choose activities that nurture your body and spirit. Reconnect with movement that makes you feel empowered, whether it’s a walk in nature, a soothing yoga session, or learning a new dance routine for fun. When physical activity is focused on joy and self-care, it can build resilience from within and support your emotional healing journey.

Practice Thoughtful Self-Talk

Be mindful of your inner dialogue. Replace self-criticism with affirmations and kindness. Healing takes time, so remind yourself that you are not defined by the breakup. Reflect on your strengths and the lessons learned as you move forward.

Be Kind to Yourself

Healing from a breakup is an ongoing process. Sadness, trauma, insecurities, and fears may surface. Approach yourself with kindness during setbacks and recognize that growth comes with challenges. Self-compassion is key to navigating this healing process. As they say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and we don’t feel better overnight.

Rediscover Joy and Identity

As you continue healing, take time to rediscover your passions. Engage in hobbies, explore new interests, and embrace the things that make you uniquely you. Socializing with supportive friends and family can reinforce your sense of self-worth, reminding you that your happiness and confidence are not dependent on a romantic partner. It’s important to remember that you need to be your authentic self, no matter who you’re with or dating. This is the time to rediscover, nurture, and embrace your true identity with confidence.

Moving Forward

Though breakups are challenging, they offer opportunities to grow. By grieving, reflecting, and reconnecting with yourself, you can emerge stronger, more confident, and ready for the new possibilities ahead… And the possibilities are endless.

Jonathan Conover is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker-Associate(LCSW). Jonathan is also a certified trauma professional providing person-centered, trauma informed, queer and gender affirming psychotherapy.